One Question that has Changed how I Approach Life.

“Are you showing up in the world the way you want to?”

Words have power.  They focus our attention on certain constructs and ideas and influence how we think.  Words posed in the form of questions can be particularly impactful.  Every now and then, we come across a question that hits us in a way which launches us down a hole of self-reflection and profoundly shifts our perspective. I came upon this question recently and it literally made me stop in my tracks.  I had to pause and reflect; “Am I showing up in the world the way that I want to?”  Am I living in accordance with the person I want to be and the impact I want to have?

The question provided a tool, a guidepost, to help me consistently and consciously realign my energy, my choices, and my actions to how I want to how up in the world. In today’s fast-paced life where we are pulled in so many different directions at once, it is hard to remain centered in our values and aspirations.  I found this question, 12 simple words, can serve as a catalyst for living with more intention and alignment.

Why this question?

At first glance, the question “Are you showing up in the world the way you want to?” might seem simple and unremarkable. However, upon deeper reflection, it holds much magic as it helps to focus attention on several important and transformational ideas: personal agency, alignment with purpose and values, relational responsibility, and constant calibration.

PERSONAL AGENCY:

We get to choose how we want to show up. Posing the question as, “Are you showing up the way you want to?” puts personal agency and choice at center.  It asks us to explore how we want to show up, not how we should, how we have to, or need to show up.  We get to decide.  

Further, the question also emphasizes our own agency in how we show up. “Am I showing up the way I want to?” suggests not only do we get to choose, but the responsibility is also ours. It turns our focus away from what other people are doing or not doing (things we cannot control), and toward our own thoughts and behaviors (things we can control). It places the power back in our own hands.

ALIGNMENT WITH PURPOSE & VALUES:

The second is a focus on alignment, are we living in alignment with both our purpose and our values?  Purpose and values are different, but both are important. 

Purpose asks us to explore our goals and direction in life.  What do I really want to do and achieve?  More importantly, am I doing what I say I want to do and not doing what I say I don’t want to do?  When I look at what I spend my time on, am I prioritizing my goals, are my actions aligned with my purpose? If not, what is getting in my way?  Is it fear, limiting beliefs, certain external circumstances? What steps can I take to address those obstacles?

Asking ourselves these questions helps to clear out the noise, the distractions, and invites us to assess how we use the limited moments we have in life and take purposeful action towards living a life that reflects our true priorities.

What I love even more is, this question, “Are you showing up in the world the way you want to?” invites a clarification of our values, not just what I want to do (my purpose), but who do I want to be?  In modern day society we seem fixated on “doing.”  We measure our worth based on how productive we are and what we achieve.  Thinking about how we want to show up disentangles us from this hold of doing, to think about how we want to interact with the world, who do we want to be.  It connects us back to our values. Am I showing up to life’s challenges with grace, calm, compassion, and resilience?  Am I impacting the world in a positive way?  Am I learning and growing? Am I leaning 100% in? Am I living fully? Being fully present and engaged in this one wild and precious life? As you can see, a rabbit hole.

RELATIONAL RESPONSIBILITY:

If you think about it, the question is relational; focusing our attention on how we “show up” implies an unstated “for others” because, who are we showing up for? While the question is partly about how we are showing up for ourselves, it also orients us to think about how we are showing up for others. Importantly, it challenges us to build awareness of and take ownership for our impact on others.  Are you showing up for your spouse, your children, your parents and siblings, your coworkers and friends in the way you want to? This aspect of the question, in particular, helped me become aware of some changes I wanted to make.  It made me realize a big part of how I want to show up in my relationships, particularly with my children and my husband, is with full presence. 

CONSTANT CALIBRATION:

Finally, by cultivating self-awareness, this question is a tool that can be used for constant calibration and realignment of our lives.  It is not a one and done, it can be used as an on-going process of challenge, self-discovery, growth and evolution.  We are constantly changing, and our values with it.  The key is to remain aware of the alignment between our values and our actions.  With each choice we make, in each moment with which we are engaged, we can take a step back and ask ourselves, “Am I showing up the way I want to?”

CALL TO ACTION:

I invite you to ask yourself this question and explore the transformative power it holds. It is about opening yourself up to what really matters to you and architecting your life to live intentionally based on your own deeply meaningful design. 

So, I ask “Are showing up in the world the way you want to?”