Take Up Space

When I say the word “space,” what do you think of?

Endless skies, planets, moons and stars. Maybe you think of galaxies and exploration, expansiveness and our place in the universe.

And all of that is valid. When we are talking about outer space.

But today, I want to talk about a different kind of space.

Today let’s consider our own space.

From the moment that we are born, we hear different messages about how we should be - what we can or can’t say, when we can and can’t speak. How to look, dress, behave, even how we should feel, in order to be acceptable. In order to fit in.

Wait a minute.

Pause.

“Fit in.” 

Find our place. Find our own space.

We spend our lives figuring out exactly where we belong - where we fit. How much space we are “allowed” to take up. Physically, mentally, emotionally… it’s all space, and we are all maneuvering ourselves to figure out exactly how much of it is truly ours.

It starts when we’re babies. “Children should be seen and not heard.” “Stay out of the grown ups’ way.” And it continues on as we grow. Schools confine us not only to classrooms, but to specific desks, a singular place in line. And it doesn’t stop there. Society and media continue to tell us what places are “appropriate” for us, what roles we are “supposed to” fill. 

The world does its best to remind us that we need to fit into a specific space. And, if you pay close attention to the messages, you’ve probably realized that, for the most part, the world is most comfortable when that space that we take up is as little as possible.

When I truly thought about it, I realized quite how significantly these messages have impacted me and my behaviors.

• My phone is always on silent, so that the notifications will not disturb anyone.

• Any video, show or movie I watch on my own, or any podcast that I listen to, I do so with headphones. So that no one else has to hear it.

• I have always sought out roles in the background. Even in middle school - as my peers tried out for the Spring musical, I joined the stage crew.

• I feel most comfortable in dark or neutral colored clothing.

• I have always felt uncomfortable wearing costumes, singing out loud, speaking in public - anything that would turn an eye towards me. 

Let me rephrase that.

Anything that would make people realize that I had the audacity to be taking up space in their vicinity.

And don’t even get me started on how this has affected my relationship with my body. That is a whole different post.

But the idea is, I know I’m not alone in saying that the world had me convinced that my value was in making myself as small and invisible as possible. And I took it to heart.

It’s kind of scary when I put that into words. Even scarier to think that I’ve been living that way for so very long.

So now there is a new goal, and maybe it’s a journey we can take together.

Let’s make the commitment now to take up space.

This means that we give ourselves full and unapologetic permission to exist fully in our lives and in our world.

We commit to use our voices, even if they shake.

We will remind ourselves and everyone around us that we belong in the  rooms and at the tables where issues are being discussed and ideas are being shared,

Because no matter how the world has tried to condition us, our feelings, emotions and experiences are just as valid as anyone else’s - moreso, in some circumstances, and we have every right, and even a responsibility, to share them.

Each and every one of us, our needs matter as much as anyone else’s, and deserve to be honored, fulfilled and respected.

No more trying to shrink ourselves, physically, emotionally or energetically. No more contorting ourselves, physically, emotionally or energetically, into tiny pretzels to make others comfortable.  No more ignoring our own needs, physical, emotional or energetic, just to accommodate the needs (or worse, wants) of those around us.

You are here in this world. You don’t need to hide anymore.

Remember all those things we thought of when we first started talking about space? Open, expansive, exploration?

Now it’s your turn. 

Speak. Dance. Laugh out loud. Tell the joke. Wear the bright colors.

And maybe even turn the ringer on on your phone.