Things We Are Not Willing to See

Lately I have been quite puzzled, not by the things people do, but by the things they are not willing to do.  I am puzzled by the things people are not willing to see, the conversations we are not willing to have, and ideas we are not willing to consider.

Our cognitive and emotional blind spots. 

We all have them. 

I am sure I have them too.  I do not always recognize them.  I might be able to make some assumptions about where mine might be, but the only way to truly root out my own cognitive and emotional blind spots would be to get uncomfortable; to ask other people who know me to tell me and then to really listen to them, to seek out opposing perspectives and to really listen, to let go of being right, to put aside my ego, to listen more than talk, to ask questions, be curious, and listen again. 

I get why not everyone wants to see…it is hard.

Maybe we are too tired, and we don’t want to do the mental and emotional work of understanding and broadening our perspectives.  We would rather stick with the comfort of what we think we already know.  Maybe we feel defensive and protective over our identities; we want to see ourselves as good, smart, rational and aware individuals, and admitting to our biases would shatter that sense of self.  Maybe the conversations to be had feel too emotionally charged and mentally draining. Maybe we are unwilling to risk our standing or connections to say what we believe.

Our brain and biology also tend to work against us here.  In a way, we are hard-wired for bias.  Our brains aim for efficiency, because efficiency assures survival.  So, while during the years of our youth we are rapidly growing and acquiring information and knowledge, the goal is to consolidate all that information into categories and concepts, that once formed, our brains work hard to preserve.

For example, confirmation bias is everywhere, something many of us have heard of and understand conceptually; the idea that we humans are biased toward looking for data that confirm what we already believe, while ignoring data that goes against our beliefs.

So, I am not surprised because it is very normal, prevalent, and very human to have these blinders, biases, and emotional barriers.

What I am puzzled and maybe disheartened by, however, is the unwillingness to challenge ourselves for the chance of better.

I get it is hard, and perhaps not “fun”.

I get we are all tired.

I get the desire for comfort.

I get the need to self-protect.

I get wanting to avoid conflict.

I want fun and easy. I want comfort too.  I want to feel secure and certain in what I know.  I hate to be proven wrong, and facing my own mistakes and missteps can feel like a punch to my gut. I am a fan of peace, and conflict feels deeply unsettling.  

But I don’t understand not fighting for some things.

Aren’t some things more important?  Isn’t our growth as individuals, and as a human species, worth it?

Don’t we want more of ourselves? For humankind?

As stewards for future generations, don’t our children deserve a world that is more evolved?  Aren’t they worth it?

Why are we willing to just settle? To stop challenging ourselves and our perspectives.  To stop growing.

Why aren’t we willing to see?

None of us know everything.  None of us are correct all the time.  None of us are fully cooked. All of us make mistakes and have much to learn.  We are all subject to human bias and blind spots.  While it is natural, while our brains are wired for biases, it is not unchangeable.

It requires opening ourselves, our hearts and our minds, to grapple with things we don’t know or understand, things we find hard and messy and uncomfortable, even risky.

I want to be up for the challenge, because although our lives our short, I do believe we each have a unique opportunity, even purpose, to move the world forward in some small way. 

And I don’t believe we can do it without each other.

Sometimes it is not what we do, but the things we are unwilling to do that reveal our true values. At times it is our non-action that speaks louder than our actions, honoring our fears, insecurities, and the protective barriers we construct around ourselves above all else. Challenging ourselves to step beyond the comfort, the fear, the protection, can lead to personal growth and transformation both within us and around us. It is in these moments of choice, whether to step into action or retreat, that we truly define who we are and what we stand for. It is the only way, I believe, to build a stronger world.