To an Olympian, from a Girl with Broad Shoulders

I have always been an athlete. From the adrenaline to the discipline and the satisfaction of pushing my body to its limits, sports have fueled me mentally and physically from a young age. The rush of walking onto a field hockey or lacrosse field is a feeling I miss deeply to in my adulthood. In high school I shifted to dance, and it gave me the opportunity to challenge myself as an athlete in a completely new and different way. About five years ago I entered the fitness industry and cannot imagine my life without it.

As much joy as all these things have brought me, they have also been accompanied from the very beginning by something all too common for the female athlete: A hyperawareness of how differently I feel about my body on the field and onstage versus off. I have a vivid memory of being in the car with teammates on the way to field hockey practice in fourth grade. I looked down and noticed that my thighs squished out much more than the other girls’ when I sat down. I was ashamed and mortified. I spent the next few years strategically tensing my leg muscles in certain positions to make them look smaller. In high school I remember completing a workout series that had been so uplifting for my mental health, and being asked by a family member, “Don’t you think that type of exercise is making you too muscular?”. A friend of mine made a similar comment to me just last month. And so, I have become familiar with the letdown that comes from feeling my body accomplish great things, only to look in the mirror and be reminded that I ought to be scared of building myself a less than “feminine” body.

For years I resigned myself to the fact that I would always feel this way. Then, I discovered Ilona Maher. Ilona Maher is an Olympic medalist on the U.S. Women’s Rugby Sevens team. There is no debating that she is a fierce and talented rugby player. But it is what she has spoken about off the field that has touched me to my core. This month on Instagram, she shared the following words:

“Dear girl with the big shoulders,

You are not undesirable.

You are not built like a linebacker.

You are not manly.

You are not unattractive.

You are beautiful.

You are imposing.

You are powerful.

You are magnificent.

Put your shoulders back, wear your head high, and walk into any room like you own the

place.

Love,

Ilona”.

And so, I must say thank you. Thank you from the fourth grader on the way to practice. Thank you from the high schooler who was never going to be the willowiest girl in ballet class and shamed herself for it. Thank you from the 28-year-old fitness instructor who has to teach on camera. Thank you from the girl who was able to try on a strapless wedding dress last week and look at her back thinking, “I look strong” for the first time in her life.

It brings me such hope to know that the next generation of athletes, especially girls, will grow up watching and listening to athletes like Ilona. May they all be praised and uplifted for their strength. May they all feel safe to exist in their bodies that do so much for them. May their femininity be left up to them, not picked apart for the entertainment of others. And may all of us who grew up feeling the opposite seize this impetus to heal.