Proving Ourselves Right
When my daughter was a toddler, she made up words all the time. As many toddlers are wont to do. At some point, around the age of three, she latched onto one nonsense word.
Obadobagonzo.
(side note - I have no idea how it’s actually spelled. She was three.)
She’d say it all the time.
“Hey sweetie, did you have fun with your friend?” “Obadobagonzo.”
“Hi, honey, what would you like for lunch today?” “Obadobagonzo.”
“Alright, love, it’s time to brush your teeth!” “Obadobagonzo.”
You get the point. Cute at first, but it became… counterproductive at a certain point.
So we decided to give the word a purpose. We told her that any time we went anywhere, that word is what we’d say when we saw a yellow car. Why yellow? Because, in our infinite parental wisdom, we thought that was an uncommon enough vehicle color that we’d be spared… mostly.
And here’s where the laws of perception kicked in to teach us a lesson. Us. The parents. Not the three year old. She was merely able to prove a toddler point.
As soon as we, as a family, started focusing on finding yellow cars so that we could use our fun “limited” vocabulary… guess what we began seeing everywhere we went?
Yellow. Cars.
Taxis. School buses. SUVs. Sedans. VW Beetles. So. Many. Yellow. Cars.
Now I’m sure that you’re wondering why in the world I’m sharing this seemingly random 14 year old story. I promise it’s not just to get you to notice how much more popular yellow is for cars than you ever thought.
But it is to help you to notice how confirmation bias exists in your own life.
Confirmation bias, by definition, is a person's tendency to process information by looking for, or interpreting, information that is consistent with their existing beliefs. In the case of my daughter, it was looking for yellow cars. A bit of a stretch, but go with it. In our everyday lives, it’s our uncanny ability to consistently re-prove our own stories and beliefs about ourselves or others.
Basically, you will begin to see and notice the things in your life that reinforce what it is you already believe to be true. You will find proof in unexpected places, whether it’s actually there or not. Because simply by holding and carrying that belief, you are actually looking to continue to believe it.
If you believe that you are unworthy, you will find proof in the comparisons you make to others.
If you believe that everyone’s life is easier than yours, you will find proof in their social media posts or in the stories you hear them tell.
If you believe that you are the only person who is struggling, you will find proof in the outer trappings you observe others to possess.
If you believe that someone doesn’t like you, you will interpret their words or actions as such.
But the good news is, this can work for you, not just against you.
If you believe that there is a lesson or opportunity in every struggle, you will find it.
If you believe that others are struggling as well, whether you can see it or not, you will remember that social media is merely a highlight reel.
If you believe that everyone is doing their best in the moment, you will perceive their words and actions with grace.
If you believe that you are worthy, you will find glimmers in unexpected places.
So here’s the thing. I don’t know what you’re looking for. But I do know that you will find it. You will find validation for your thoughts and beliefs, for your hopes and your fears. So I encourage you to seek proof of your beauty, confirmation of your worth. I hope that you begin looking for glimmers and for encouragement. I hope that you begin to seek evidence of the good in the world, and in yourself.
And if you seek opportunities to say fun, made up words, I hope you see yellow cars everywhere you go.