Restless Soul

Are you familiar with Restless Leg Syndrome? It is a condition characterized by a nearly irresistible urge to move the legs, most commonly striking in the later hours of the afternoons or evenings.

Have you ever experienced restless leg syndrome? 

I have. Or… I think I have. I sometimes feel it, or something akin to it, in my feet when I lay down at the end of the day. I can’t fully describe the physical sensation, but the only thing that helps is to move my legs, or sometimes rub my feet, or otherwise engage my lower extremities in some way... It is a very strange feeling and absolutely makes it hard to rest or sleep.

What does this have to do with anything?

Well, the last time that this happened, just a few nights ago, it occurred to me that it was very reminiscent of another feeling that has been cropping up recently. But rather than feeling restless legs, what I feel more and more these days is some sort of restless soul syndrome. Or maybe it’s restless heart syndrome. 

Just how restless leg syndrome tends to strike at night, when you stop or decrease movement of your legs for the day, my restless soul kicks in in quiet moments - in the times after I have taken care of the chores and errands, after I have completed my work and checked things off of my to-do list, after I have served the needs, in whatever capacity the day has called for, of my family, friends, and community.

Just as my feet compel me to move when my legs feel restless, so does my spirit in these quiet moments.  Just as I feel the need to feel the earth beneath my feet, to connect with something solid, so does my soul yearn to connect with something true, something meaningful, something new. Just as restless legs compel me to move through my physical space, my restless soul compels me to move in a different way. It urges me to seek connection. It drives me to try new things. It pushes me to see what else I can do, how else I can learn, in what new ways I can grow and succeed.

Now, listen. I know that restless leg syndrome is a complex neurological disorder, not just a longing for movement. But in the moments when it strikes, it feels like the soles of my feet are activated, like every nerve is reaching for something. Similarly, the moments when I feel that tingle, that itch, that stirring in my heart, it’s like my soul is what is being activated, that something inside of me is reaching out for contact, connection, and purpose.

Restlessness, of the legs, soul, or any other piece of us, is a message. It is a signal that something within us cannot rest. That there is something missing. It can be exacerbated by stress or worry, by grief or overstimulation. But in our busy hectic lives, we are constantly ignoring these messages, which is probably why they crop up at night, when things are winding down. That is the time that our bodies, minds, and souls reach out to us, asking to be heard. 

So the question becomes… what am I going to do with this feeling? What is the purpose behind this compulsion to move, literally with my legs or figuratively with my soul. Where will I allow my legs to take me? Where will I allow my soul to lead me? Where will I find the connection to ease this restlessness? And when will my body, mind, and soul truly be at rest?

I don’t have the answers today, but maybe in realizing and acknowledging this piece of me, I can commit to listening to the questions and honoring the requests that my subconscious self is making. And maybe, with this acceptance and commitment to listening, I will find my rest.