Dare to (not) Compare

Everyone has it all together.

Everyone’s house is so clean.

Everyone’s kids are so well behaved.

Everyone has a happy marriage.

Everyone goes on cool adventures.

Everyone is so beautiful. 

Everyone eats better than I do.

Everyone exercises better than I do.

Everyone is so much happier than me.

Everyone else has it all figured out.

Everyone but me.

Does any of this sound familiar to you? 

How many times have you had these thoughts? How many times have these ideas floated around in your head? In your heart?

But let me ask you something… how do you know? Are any of those statements actually true?

Is it based on what you see on social media? Or on TV?
Is it based on the articles you see in magazines? On the headlines you read online?

Here’s the truth:

You never really know.

You never know what is really going on behind the scenes. Behind the staged photo on someone’s feed. Behind the curated selection of images that people choose to share with the world. Behind the stories that they choose to share with you.

You never know the struggle that made that person as strong as they are today. You never know the pain they are hiding behind that smile. You never know how many twists, turns, potholes and detours were on their path.

We are wired to compare. To see how we measure up to those around us. In psychology, it is known as “social comparison theory,” and it is one tool that people use to try to determine their perceived standing within their environment. The theory is that people evaluate their own opinions, values, achievements, and abilities by comparing themselves to the opinions, values, achievements, and abilities of others. It’s both a social tool and an innate survival instinct. But the fact is that the number of people “around us,” the set of “others” to whom we have the ability and access to compare ourselves has increased a million-fold with the increased popularity of both mass and social media. And people are selective with what they share. 

So the comparisons are not fair. The images are never equal. 

We are comparing our inner selves to their outer selves. 

We are comparing what we see in the mirror to what they share in a filtered, curated photo.

We are comparing our feelings with their stories.

We are comparing what we know to what we think we know.

To what we can never truly know.

Take a deep breath. And next time you catch yourself spiraling down the comparison rabbit hole, step away from your phone. Put down the magazine. Turn off the television. And remember that somewhere, someone is comparing themselves to YOU, thinking that you are the one who has it all together.

Be gentle with others, as you don’t know the battles they are fighting.

And be gentle with yourself, as you know those battles all too well.

We’re in this together. No matter what it looks like to anyone else.