The Softer Side of Empowerment
Whenever I am trying to work through ideas for our monthly themes or for these blogs, I generally let my mind wander in all directions and in a variety of different ways. I’ll listen to my favorite podcasts, conduct web searches for current wellness trends, look up common meanings and symbolism related to the month or to an event… And I’ll think.
It’s like brainstorming… only… I usually do it by myself.
But when thinking about topics to expand on this month’s theme of empowerment, I decided to include my daughter in my brainstorming session.
Not only did it give her a peculiar peek into the inner ramblings of my mind, but it gave me a really great opportunity to tap into a new perspective and a different train of thought.
So we talked about empowerment and what it means. And our stream of consciousness led us to talking about the differences between power and control. About whether empowerment is an inside job or an outside job. About which is preferable - empowerment without control or control without empowerment. We talked about what makes us feel empowered and what makes us feel un-empowered. We talked about the difference between being empowered and being in power. We debated whether empowerment is a feeling or a state of being, and if that is static or dynamic.
And then I dropped her off at her activity, 15 short minutes later, amazed at the conversation I’d just had. In that brief quarter hour, we’d traveled more than just the 5 miles from home to destination, we’d traveled the road between a hard, concrete definition of a term to an open, soft, fluid understanding of a complicated and highly individual concept.
But… I was no closer to narrowing down my ideas. If anything, I had a much broader landscape to consider.
When I returned home, having spent the quiet car ride mulling over the concepts we’d discussed, I decided to go back to my old faithful. Any of you who’ve ready any of my posts before know what that means - the dictionary.
My daughter and I had spent all of that time defining empowerment for ourselves. How does the dictionary define it?
The first definition was the one I was expecting:
“authority or power given to someone to do something.”
But the second… was where things got interesting:
“the process of becoming stronger and more confident, especially in controlling one's life and claiming one's rights.”
Strength.
Confidence.
These words not only spoke to me more than the more basic definition, but they also swirled in my head with the ideas from my conversation I’d had with my daughter.
Taking control of one’s own life, yes, takes strength and confidence, and is, in fact, an act of empowerment. But it takes something else.
Courage.
The courage to try something new. The courage to step outside of your comfort zone. The courage to be different - different from those around you, different from what you were taught, different from who you’ve always been.
And while my trusty dictionary (and its ever-trusty cousin the thesaurus) may use the word “fearless” when defining courage, I do not believe them to actually be the same thing. True courage does not come from defeating fear. Courage comes from not letting fear defeat YOU.
If you aren’t afraid of heights, climbing a high rock wall doesn’t take all that much courage (skill, yes. Courage? Not so much.). But if you are afraid of heights and you take that step anyway? That is courage.
And learning to control your own destiny? Truly stepping into your power? Actually empowering yourself to show up for yourself fully and authentically? I can think of nothing braver.
Empowerment, power, strength, confidence and courage may seem like they require one to be hard, solid and sure. But over the course of these ramblings, brainstorms and conversations, I have come to shift that thinking. True empowerment, true strength and true courage come from a place of safety and security - a place of openness and vulnerability. The power to be, the power to change, and the power to grow require a soft place to land. The fortitude to try and the strength to step into our own power is the truest form of courage imaginable.