Words Fail Me

I’m having trouble with words these days.

Not with thoughts.

Not with feelings.

Not with reactions.

Not with observations.

With words.

The question is… why?

Why, if I have these thoughts, if I have these feelings, if I’m reacting to and observing the world around me… why are my words failing me?

I think part of the problem is that the world, my thoughts, my feelings, and everything that I’m seeing and reacting to, is just so big. And my words… are just not. I have been feeling like words are becoming increasingly limiting. Words are incomplete. Words can be misconstrued. Words can be misunderstood.

I feel increasingly restricted by words. Which… is actually pretty ironic for someone who does a considerable amount of communicating, both in speech and in writing, on a daily basis. It’s not that I don’t think that I have a big enough vocabulary. It’s that I don’t think there is such a thing.

I don’t have words to explain a love so true.

I don’t have words to describe a hurt so deep.

I don’t have words to illustrate a gratitude so pure.

I don’t know that there has ever been a word for a vastness so all consuming.

My words can’t convey to you the full beauty of a rainbow. I don’t think there is a language anywhere that can describe the moment I first heard my baby’s heartbeat or held them in my arms. There are times I can’t even explain why I’m happy. Or sad. Or frustrated. Or excited.

How can I have this great vocabulary and not explain a simple thought? How can I call myself a writer if I can’t convey a simple feeling? How can I connect with the world around me if our words are not telling our stories?

So what do I do? How do I share these thoughts and feelings? How do I communicate the needs and wants and desires that swirl around in my head and heart that escape description and defy explanation?

The truth is, I am still figuring that out. We all are. We all use what we have to try to understand ourselves, each other, and the world around us. We all work with the disconnect between our souls and our speech, between our minds and our mouths. We work within the words and cliches that we know, and hope that it will suffice.

But the other piece of the truth is… I am trying to be okay with that. I am trying to be okay with using the words that I do have, and allowing my actions to support them. I am trying to be okay with the fear of being misunderstood, and not letting that stand in the way of the possibility of being seen and heard. I am trying to be okay with learning new ways of communicating - whether that be with words or without.