Dear Friend, Please Remember

I have a friend who is going through a hard time right now.

It’s not the kind of thing that I (or anyone) can fix, no matter how much I want to.

But it’s very real. And very scary. And very difficult.

She is confused and sad and angry and so very tired.

She is trying to keep life as normal as possible for her kids, but also trying to manage a whole host of responsibilities that she just was not expecting.

She is trying to make sure that dinner is on the table each night, that laundry keeps cycling, that doctors appointments, orthodontist appointments, sports and drama club practices are not missed. She is trying to hold her entire world together, while feeling her entire world shatter around her.

I offered to drive her kids to practice, to make meals. I offered to clean bathrooms or fold laundry. I offered to sit with her and do absolutely nothing at all. 

But she doesn’t know what she needs, and the last thing I want is for her to feel obligated to create something for me to help with, because that’s not really a help at all.

So I wrote her a letter.

And this is what it says.

Dear Friend,

I can’t pretend to truly know what you are going through right now, but I wanted to remind you of a few things.

I know that with everything going on, we don’t really get to see each other much or even really talk all that often, but I wanted to let you know that I am carrying you with me, in my heart and in my thoughts, every moment of every day. You are not alone in all that you are going through, even though I can only imagine how much it feels like you are. Please know that, even when I am not physically there, I am holding your hand.

I am here for you for all of it. I am here when you need to yell and scream and cry, and I’m here when you need to sit and say nothing at all. I am honored to be in your village, in your corner, on your team.

I wish I could take your pain from you, but until they figure out a way to allow me to do that, please just know that what you are going through doesn’t change our friendship or how much you mean to me. You can’t get rid of me that easily. 

So just remember…

Take whatever time you need. Feel whatever feelings arise. Do whatever it is you need to do to get through this. I’ll hold the pieces and help you put them back together into whatever configuration fits on the other side. 

And most of all…

I see you.

I am proud of you.

I love you.

I wrote this… and then I didn’t send it.

I don’t know why. Or maybe I do. Because when I read it back, it almost felt… like I’d written it to myself. To all of the versions of myself that have struggled or been hurt or thought they would never make it through what was happening.

But right now, in this moment, I am putting it out into the world. And I hope she sees it. And, to be honest, I hope you do, too. Because we are all going through things. And maybe we could all use the reminders.