Hack Your Mindset

This month we have been focusing on mindset - the set of beliefs that we carry, consciously or subconsciously, that affect our actions, decisions and emotions.  Simply stated, our mindset can be thought of as our way of thinking, our way or processing the world around us, our way of filtering and synthesizing the countless bits of information that are bombarding us on a daily basis.

There are many factors that contribute to the creation of our mindset. There are hereditary factors - genetic predisposition, and factors more related to influence - the compounding of experiences as we developed through infancy and childhood that helped to shape our world view.

Research has shown that our cultural, educational and social experiences, from even the youngest ages, have a tremendous effect on the formation of our mindset. The behaviors and accomplishments that are praised or punished, and even how that praise or punishment are meted out, are a key factor. The foundation that is laid in our earliest years of development are key building blocks in the mindsets we carry forward into adulthood.

Looking at it like that, it feels a bit daunting. Some of us can barely (if at all!) remember those formative experiences that carved those neural pathways, that this research will have us believe are, at least partly, responsible for our thought processes now. Even more so, reading this research as a parent, as some of you may be, is even scarier - it makes me question every word I have ever said to my children, whether praise or reprimand, and wonder if I have done irreparable damage to their psyches.

So here’s the good news.

No matter how deep those neural pathway grooves are, our brains are pretty amazing. The are wired to grow, change and transform as we continue on this crazy journey of life. And that means that, no matter how “set in your ways” you might think you are, you actually have the power to grow, learn and change. 

Here’s the thing. Neural pathways are kind of like grooves in a table. Yes, this is a gross oversimplification, but bear with me for a moment. The first line that you scratch into a table is faint. So faint, in fact, that you might miss it if you don’t know where to look. This is like your brain’s first experience of anything. It creates a pathway, but (unless there is significant trauma involved), generally it is subtle.  Scratch that line again - recreate or repeat the experience. The groove becomes a bit deeper, the neural pathway becomes a little bit more solidified. Repeated over time, the groove becomes a track - you could run a marble through it if you wanted. Similarly, the neural pathway becomes stronger, and your decision making process is like that marble - it seeks out the comfort, stability and ease of that pathway. The path of least resistance. 

But here’s where our brains are pretty amazing. We have this amazing ability called neural plasticity, which refers to the capacity of the nervous system to modify itself, functionally and structurally, in response to experience and injury. What does that mean? It means it has the ability to create new grooves. New connections. New pathways. 

All we have to do is create them.

Now, don’t get me wrong. This is not always easy. Some of those grooves are so deep as to feel permanent. Changing them feels scary. Painful. Wrong, even. 

But it is possible. And worthwhile.

One of the simplest hacks to shifting your mindset has to do with language. By the way, I said simple - not easy.

Notice the language that you use to talk both to and about yourself. Just notice. Is it how you would talk to a friend? In fact, is it how you would talk to anyone? 

Then take notice of how you react when others say nice things to you - compliment you or praise you in any way. Do you bristle? Brush it off? Reject it altogether?

Once you have started noticing these things, this is where the hard work comes in.

Choose new words. 

Yes, they will feel awkward at first. Or maybe even for a while. But these words will create grooves. Pathways. And the way to strengthen them is with a process I refer to as “challenge/repeat.” You can’t challenge a mindset one time and call it done.  You have to challenge it over and over until it becomes a habit. Until it is ingrained. Until that marble runs smoothly through that groove - until that neural pathway feels natural.

Stop your negative self talk. Interrupt it. Sometimes it helps to have a phrase you repeat “I don’t talk to myself that way anymore,” or “that is not the truth I choose for myself.” Find the one that works for you. It will definitely feel weird. But change needs to if it is going to be successful.

Next time someone compliments you, interrupt the automatic, knee-jerk brush off or rejection and try this simple response: “thank you.”  Two simple words. Two very difficult, but truly simple words. Try them. Repeat them. Do not apologize for stopping right there.

Your brain is always listening. It has from the moment you were born and continues to this day. Regardless of the mindset with which you started this day, you have the power to decide that you are ready for more. For growth. For acceptance. For compassion. For love. 

You have the power to create your new groove.