All I Really Want For Christmas

I am really bad at the whole gift thing.

Maybe that sounds weird, but it’s true.

I have good intentions.. My heart is absolutely in the right place. But as soon as the moment comes to actually choose a gift for someone, my mind goes blank. I may know your favorite color, favorite animal, favorite song, favorite food, favorite flower… I may know your hobbies and passions… but as soon as the gift giving occasion arrives, when the time comes for me to go looking through websites and stores… it’s all gone.

And I’m not much better at receiving gifts, either. Which also, I know, sounds weird.

I somehow feel guilty for taking up the gift-giver’s time, brainspace and money. And, being a person who is uncomfortable being the center of attention, receiving a gift means that someone has paid attention, so I tend to get shy and awkward. Even more so than usual.

So as you can imagine, this time of year can be a bit of a challenge for me. There is so much focus on gift giving and receiving. On sales and specials. On wish-lists and… stuff. It can be a lot.

Here comes the part where, as I was thinking through what I wanted to write about, I was planning on telling you about the gifts that mean the most to me. The gift of time. The gift of holding space. The gift of listening without judgement. The gift of trust.

And I believe all of that. Non-stuff gifts are truly meaningful, truly special, and mean so much to me.

But I realized that the stuff is not just stuff, and that, no matter how uncomfortable I am with receiving for all of the reasons laid out above, the act of receiving, either stuff or non-stuff, is also a gift. And that by shying away from it, I am not only potentially hurting someone’s feelings, I am actually letting a moment of connection slip away.

There are all kinds of gifts, and all kinds of reasons for giving them. Sometimes it’s spontaneous, sometimes it can stem from a sense of obligation. 

But the truth is, there is beauty on all ends of gifting - from inception to planning to the search for just the right thing to the planning of how, when, and where to share it. 

And there is just as much beauty in the act of receiving. More than just accepting something, truly receiving a gift shows acknowledgement and appreciation of the thought, time, intention, planning, and spirit behind the gift.

So this year for the holiday season, I am reframing my thoughts about gifts - both giving and receiving. 

This year, every gift I give, I won’t focus on how unintentionally silly or goofy it is, rather I’ll remember that it’s my way of telling someone just how much I care about them, and how, even though I may become overwhelmed by the process of finding a thing to communicate just how I feel, that I wanted them to know.

And every gift I receive, I will accept in that same spirit, knowing that that is actually a gift in return.

I get it. Finding the perfect gift is amazing - both for the person on the giving end and on the receiving end. But whether or not it is the perfect gift doesn’t dictate whether it will be the perfect moment, and that is what matters more.

So maybe this year, I won’t be so bad at this whole gift thing.