Dare To Fail

If I were to ask you what your biggest fears are, what would you say?

I know that there would be some responses that would be very specific to you as an individual, maybe based on a trauma that you experienced at some point, or due to a circumstance through which you had to navigate.

But there are some responses that are a bit more common that I’m sure I would hear time and time again. Pain. Heights. Public speaking. Spiders. Clowns.

And failure.

The fear of failure, in its most severe form known as atychiphobia, affects many people, in many different ways. It can cause some to put off or completely avoid trying new things. It can stop others from putting themselves in a position where the outcome is unknown, or that has the potential for an unsuccessful outcome. And while some might just be mildly risk-averse, the truth is that the idea of failure can generally hold us back from our true and full potential.

Let’s take a step back for a moment. What I’d really like to do is to reframe - and reclaim - the idea of failure. To do this, let’s start with the most popular and conventional understanding of failure as it stands right now.

Failure is primarily defined as a lack of success, which, in and of itself is defined as the accomplishment of an aim or purpose - something that we are all told, in every way, shape, and form, from the time we are born, is the ultimate goal. So it makes sense that we would fear not meeting the societal ideal of doing well and of achieving… anything… everything.

But what if we allowed ourselves to think of outcomes other than those we expect not as failures, but as feedback. As a lesson to learn or as an opportunity for growth?

Just because a thing did not go “right,” just because we did not see the result we hoped for, worked for, imagined - that does not mean that the effort was wasted. Every step leads us forward. And even if it feels like a mis-step, it is still progress. It still gives us new information - tells us something about ourselves or someone else, about a process or location or thing that we might not otherwise have known.

There are many reasons why it can be difficult to admit to what we currently define as failure. Perhaps we are embarrassed that others will perceive us in a less favorable light if they see our “failures.” Maybe we are trying to live up to society’s (unrealistic and unattainable) standards of continuous, upward progress. Or maybe we have bought into the sunk cost fallacy - the idea that the time, effort, money or other energy we have put into our endeavor would be lost and wasted if we were to change course.

Think about it. Imagine that all of your friends are raving about the latest novel by some best selling author. Curious and intrigued, you rush to the bookstore, purchase a copy, and begin reading it. What happens if, two chapters in… you don’t like it. Sure, maybe you push through for another few chapters, but what if, by the halfway point, you really don’t like it. In fact, maybe you dread the idea of picking it back up. For many people, the idea of not finishing the book would feel like a failure - all of your friends loved it, you spent the money, you’ve invested all of that time slogging through the first half of it - stopping now would be a waste of time and money, right?

I’m here to argue that stopping now is actually a win. You have learned that you aren’t a fan of that genre or author or style of writing. You are not wasting any more of your precious, valuable time on a book that is not bringing you joy. You are learning about some of the differences between you and your friends, which might actually prove to spark interesting conversations and discussions that could potentially deepen your relationship with them! 

The time, money and effort were not wasted. 

You learn. 

You grow.

So as we continue growing and becoming our most authentic selves, let me challenge you not to only strive for success… but maybe to see how many different ways you can fail - how many new, exciting and amazing ways there are to fail

Fail big.

Fail hard.

Fail often.

But most of all… fail forward.

Fail for growth. Fail for progress. Because when we realize that our failures teach us way more than our successes, we learn that maybe they aren’t so scary after all.