Dealing With Change
The only constant in life is change.
-Heraclitus
Life is not some static object, something that will stay the same and dependable each time you revisit some aspect of it. The world around us is in constant motion, through both time and space. Every person or thing that you encounter is affected by this motion - by the passage of time, the change of seasons, the pull of gravity, the variations in the sun and moon.
The same is true for us - our bodies, our thoughts, and our feelings. As we are affected by the world around us, as we learn and grow, observe and discover, we create new neural pathways that forever etch these new experiences into our brains. Our bodies hold the stories of each moment they have completed.
Recent history has seen changes coming at us at an extreme and rapid pace. This past year is probably the biggest and most glaring example of that. Technology, educational systems, social structures and commerce have become almost unrecognizable from anything we could have dreamed of even five years ago.
More and more, the words of the ancient Greek philosopher quoted above, become increasingly true - the only thing in this world that we can be sure of is that nothing will remain the same.
But if change is so common, so expected, and even so necessary, why do we tend to have such a difficult time with it?
As humans, we are wired for survival. Oftentimes, involuntary change (change that we did not actively choose or pursue) is viewed by our brains as a potential warning sign - any difference in our environment is a perceived threat, or a possible indication that some form of danger is lurking. In that vein, even a benign, non-threatening change can provoke a fight or flight type response in us, either in action or even just in our adrenal system, causing us to respond with fear, frustration or discomfort.
In our modern world, where we logically know that the changes around us do not (usually) pose the same level if imminent, life threatening danger (like a predator or attacking army), change can still cause distress. While the fear may no longer be that of physical attack, any threat to our routines, habits and security are just as daunting and scary.
Another very human trait is that we tend to be creatures of habit, and these habits, routines or rituals build within us a sense of safety, security and control. Changes to behaviors that have become a source of comfort to us can be awkward or uncomfortable, and, as we know, our bodies and brains try to protect us from awkward and uncomfortable things.
While your reaction to a change may feel isolating or lonely, researchers have identified a predictable pattern of emotions in reaction to change, referred to as the Change Curve.
This pattern begins with the change - a disruption of the status quo, and proceeds through the following emotional responses over time:
Shock - surprise or shock at the event or information itself
Denial - disbelieve, evidence seeking
Frustration - recognition of the differences this change or event brings, often causes anger
Depression - low mood, lacking in energy, missing the pre-change state
Experiment - engagement with the new situation or circumstance, feeinng it out
Decision - learning how to work within the new situation, becoming more comfortable
Integration - changes fully integrated, establishment of a new “normal”
The amount of time it can take for an individual to flow through these stages may differ, and sometimes someone may get stuck at a particular stage, or bounce between a few stages as they explore the change or learn new aspects of it.
So the question remains - even knowing all of this, how can we help ourselves and our loved ones deal with change? Especially these days when it is coming at us so quickly?
Whether the change is personal or professional, individual or community wide, there are steps that can be taken to help progress you through the flow of managing change and expedite your process to acceptance and integration.
Acknowledge the change - Especially during the initial phases of shock and denial, using language to state the change and acknowledge that it is real, regardless of your emotional response, helps you to begin to process the reality of the situation.
Acknowledge your reaction - Don’t try to ignore your reaction when change occurs. Realize that you are allowed to be sad about it, or scared… that is part of the process.
Maintain routines in other areas - This can be challenging depending on what the change is. The massive disruptions of the pandemic, for example, uprooted routines for the majority of us. But maintaining specific aspects of our routine - meal times, daily walks, self care tasks such as showering - can aid in accepting the disruptions in those other areas.
Seek support - While this usually means to ask for help, which is crucial in all aspects of life, I extend this to also mean communicate with those around you. Discuss the change with those in your life who are either also being affected by the change, or even just that they may be affected but your response to the change. Discuss your feelings, ask questions to people who may be able to guide you through, and maintain open communication with your support network.
Manage your expectations - This one can be hard. But what this means is to remember that changes happen. Sometimes they are expected (life stages, career changes etc) and sometimes they are not (sudden loss etc). Either away, give yourself grace and remind yourself that changes are a part of life, and that stability and comfort can be regained as we learn and grow.
Change is hard. Even changes that are positive and expected can require adjustment and adaptation. Just remember that you are strong, capable and resilient. You have made it through 100% of the changes that life has thrown at you so far, and you have grown through it all, becoming the remarkable person that you are today. So no matter what changes lie ahead, and never doubt that they are there, we know you’ve got this. Breathe deep, keep your mindset on gratitude and growth, and face those changes with an open heart.
