Why Do I Feel Like A Fraud?
“I don’t belong here. And pretty soon they’re all going to figure that out.”
It happens in all realms of our lives. Work, home life, friend groups - so many of us have moments of such intense doubt in ourselves that we start spinning in a zone of waiting for the other shoe to drop - of waiting for the world to realize that we do not actually deserve the position, friendship or status that we appear to have.
It is estimated that 70% of people experience this phenomenon, known as “Imposter Syndrome,” at some point in their lives, and is a designation that can apply to anyone “who isn’t able to internalize and own their successes.” What does that mean? It means that they chalk their success or position up to luck or timing rather than acknowledging their own work, effort, inherent value or intrinsic worth.
Maybe it sounds a little like this:
“Who in the world do I think I am to write a whole post about Imposter Syndrome? I am not a psychologist, I am not licensed in any way to appropriately diagnose or help with any kind of syndrome. Why would or should anyone read this, much less listen to what I have to say??”
Ahem.
Just a hypothetical example…
Some of the most common symptoms of Imposter Syndrome include:
Self-doubt
The inability to realistically assess your accomplishments, competence and skills
Attributing your success to external factors
Fears regarding living up to expectations (your own or others’)
Striving for overachievement
Self sabotage
Setting overly challenging goals and feeling disappointed when you fall short
There are plenty of different theories about the root causes of Imposter Syndrome, from internal factors (such as personality traits like high anxiety or neuroticism) to external factors (such parental and environmental expectations). With 70% of the population experiencing these feelings to some degree or another, I am definitely more prone to thinking that it is a combination of causes. And while there are situations in which Imposter Syndrome can have motivating effects (working hard to prove one’s worth or to meet or exceed expectations), the mental-health related cost is usually higher than the situational reward.
While Impostor Syndrome is not currently a recognized disorder in diagnostic terms, it is both common and identifiable enough for there to be significant study on the matter. It is commonly linked with other anxiety related disorders, and experts have even identified different subsets of the syndrome, depending on the specific triggers and manifestations of the thoughts and experiences. I look forward to diving further into the details in a later post.
For today, though, I wanted to talk a little bit more broadly on the topic. Because it is something that keeps creeping up around me - in myself, in people I love, in the community… I’m willing to bet that you have had a conversation on this very topic within the past few weeks.
So the question is… if everyone is feeling this way, what do we do?
Dr. Valerie Young, author, educator and Imposter Syndrope expert, offers 10 steps that can be used to help overcome Imposter Syndrome:
Break the silence - talk about it! Put words to the feelings and experiences.
Separate feelings from facts - take a moment to both acknowledge your feelings and also to call your attention to the facts of the situation
Recognize when you should feel fraudulent - recognize that sometimes when you are feeling “like a fraud,” it might be because you are in a situation where you are having trouble fitting in - maybe you are the only woman in a room full of men, maybe you are being singled out for recognition amidst your peers. This can manifest as self-doubt, but should be recognized not as fraudulent, but rather as discomfort.
Accentuate the positive - The self doubt and perfectionism behind the feelings of imposter-ness are usually the result of caring quite a bit. Allow yourself to care and to work hard, but also allow for the reality that your feelings are valid and that mistakes can happen to anyone.
Develop a healthy response to failure - Imposter Syndrome is often apparent in situations where one feels that their worth is driven by the results that they deliver. In difficult moments, it is important to bear in mind that failure is our greatest teacher. Pick yourself off, find the lesson from the situation and move on working to incorporate your new wisdom the next time.
Right the rules - Rewrite the rules that tell you that you must always know best, do best and prove yourself. Make the rules work for you, not against you. Set them right!
Develop a new script - observe the conversation in your mind when Imposter Syndrom seeps in - and re-write it! When you catch yourself saying “Everyone here is so smart, they’re all going to figure out that I’m not...” flip the script. “Everyone here has something to offer - I can learn so much from each of them!”
Visualize success - if you can anticipate an upcoming moment where you are likely to experience Imposter Syndrome, take a moment to breathe, thing through the scenario, and visualize the outcome you are hoping for.
Reward yourself - You do not need to wait for external validation - you deserve it from yourself. Recognize your true worth, merit and accomplishments and allow yourself freedom to continue to grow and learn.
∫ - When all else fails and you find yourself in a position you aren’t sure you are ready for, go with it! Take the risk. Ask the question. You might even surprise yourself!
source: https://impostorsyndrome.com/10-steps-overcome-impostor/
The truth is, we all feel like we don’t fit in somewhere or at some time. The hard work comes in when we try to understand why, and what we can do about it. Some of the suggestions above might help you the next time you are faced with feeling like a fraud.
What I’m hoping for, just as much as trying to help you feel more at ease in those situations, is that this can serven as merely the beginning of a larger conversation. That we can support each other in realizing that we are all new or different or uncomfortable in different situations, but that we all have just as much to offer, to teach, and to learn.
